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Surviving Spouse Corner: Focusing on Finances After Loss

By: Pat Green

MARCH 26, 2021

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The loss of a spouse has quite an impact. At first, you are busy dealing with grief and helping your family recover from the loss. Eventually, though, you must focus your energy on finances.  You have lost your financial partner.

Your goal should be to live comfortably with as little financial stress as possible. Losing a spouse often means a reduction in family income. This requires some changes and hard decisions as you consider:

·       Where should I live?  Many factors are involved in this decision. Work, commute time, children, their friends, activities, and school proximity, health, safety, and other family responsibilities are all important.

·       What can I afford?  This is probably the most important consideration. If you and your spouse were conservative in spending, your living expenses and debt might be manageable. Do a budget analysis based on your current income and spending. Be aware of adjustments. Income might be down, but taxes might be up if your new IRS tax status is “single” (higher rates). Include new insurance costs for yourself to protect any dependents. Don’t forget to add in the expense of services your spouse provided, such as lawn mowing, painting, or handy jobs. Do the calculations. If you can stay put for a while, great!

·       How can I make changes to my current home?  It’s home, and you love it. You can freshen things up with some inexpensive changes like rearranging furniture, adding some fresh paint, buying a new bed or bedspread, and relocating photos and wall art.

·       What if a change of address is necessary?  Downsizing or moving might be the best option for your new financial circumstances or emotional state. Make a pro/con list of emotional factors and expenses. Be thoughtful about real estate commissions, state income tax, moving, and redecorating expenses as well as all those emotional pluses and minuses. Investigate whether spousal disability exemptions and entitlements are available at a new home or new location. Changing states can generate issues. Do your homework. Be diligent!

This is a lot to do and a lot to consider, but help and resources are available. There are excellent calculators and programs online to assist with mortgages, investments, budget analysis, and insurance decisions, including on MOAA.org. Find them at MOAA.org/Finance.

Read past Surviving Spouse Corners. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Pat Green 

Pat Green is a member of MOAA's Surviving Spouse Advisory Council. She has been active and engaged member of MOAA for 15 years, serving in many leadership roles.

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Surviving Spouse Corner: The 4 Facets of Grief

JANUARY 29, 2021

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By Renée Brunelle, Surviving Spouse Advisory Council member, and Ruth E. Field, MSW, LCSW

 

Often one’s grief journey has many variations or facets. After a loss, there are so many things that need to be completed and people demanding your attention that it’s easy to forget about taking care of yourself. However, when the final tasks honoring our loved ones are completed, we need to focus on healing ourselves. 

 

Ruth E. Field’s book The 4 Facets of Grief, helps put into words some of the tough experiences you encounter during the grieving process. The framework is flexible; there is no specific order to the facets, so you can read about and work with whatever interests you and seems relevant. 

 

Here are some highlights from the book:

• Facet 1: Accepting (the Unacceptable) — Having to recognize what has happened and is true. This does not mean approving, liking, endorsing, or embracing the situation. Accepting can help you find some clarity in the haze of the decision-making process under the circumstances. MOAA publications are a great place to find helpful information.
  
  
• Facet 2: Adapting to a New Reality — Modifying your previous life and transitioning to something new. This adjustment can be very challenging especially when resisting the inevitable change that is happening. Of course, nothing will be exactly the same when a loved one passes, but often aspects can remain. Figuring out what needs to change and what doesn’t is part of adapting.
  
  
• Facet 3: Meaning Making — Creating an opportunity for personal growth and lifestyle changes. Examples include focusing more on religious or spiritual education, increasing family interaction, or even philanthropic causes. Remember you are still here and finding new activities to bring some positive energy to your life can be fulfilling.
  
  
• Facet 4: Replenishing — It is common to become depleted by people, events, and even your own emotions during grief. Being a bit selfish (in a healthy sense) by taking care of yourself first is key. Identifying what activities you find fulfilling can assist in the healing process. Even thinking about a new or old pursuit could revitalize you.

 

Each of the facets joins together to create a new beginning.

1. Accepting brings you face to face with reality.
2. Adapting to new circumstances inspires fresh ideas.
3. Meaning making ponders the significance and implications of the loss.
4. Replenishing ensures continued healthy self-care.

 

Each person’s journey is unique like a precious gemstone. When you use new skills like those in Field’s framework, you become like a jeweler cutting a rough stone and polishing it into a beautifully faceted one. Then you can let the light in again. 

 

Remember, try not to resist asking for help. Your MOAA surviving spouse liaison can be of assistance. Local resources are available to explore by simply asking your funeral director for a list. All are happy to provide additional support.

 

Ruth E. Field, MSW, LCSW, can be reached at ruthfield@griefhelper.com for more information on her book and tips on the grief process.

 

Read past Surviving Spouse Corners.